Two Sides of the Same Coin

I am so tired.

I am tired of sitting.

I am tired of waiting.

I am tired of the pity.

I am tired of receiving.

I am tired of the drudgery.

I am tired of this boredom.

I am tired of my moodiness.

I am tired of this neck brace.

I am tired of unseen sunsets.

I am tired of these slow days.

I am tired of having no purpose.

I am tired of an undone to-do list.

I am tired of being told to breathe.

I am tired of being pushed around.

I am tired of wanting to go nowhere.

I am tired of not being able to exercise.

I am tired of being here, instead of outside.

I am tired of the constant chafing to my neck.

I am tired of these awkward angles of eye contact.

I am tired of my nuts getting stuck under my legs.

I am tired of tired of smelling like urine and sweat.

I am tired of being unable to sleep on my right side.

I am tired of not being able to take myself anywhere.

I am tired of pooping and peeing with the door open.

I am tired of not being able to go to the grocery store.

I am tired of my dependence on others for everything.

I am tired of my tailbone aching when all I can do is sit.

I am tired of my beard being upturned by this neck brace.

I am tired of being told what to do all in the name of caring.

I am tired of this ache in my neck after I read, eat, sit up, anything.

I am tired of water running down my forearms when I wash dishes.

I am tired of bumping into cabinets, walls, and door jambs just trying to get around.

I am tired of moving from one chair to another just trying to find some comfort, some sanity.

I am grateful for this wheelchair that has given me mobility even when I wanted so much more.

I am grateful to be apart of PCLI, a family really, where we get paid to do some living together.

I am grateful to have money given to us to make our worries ands stress that much lighter.

I am grateful that my kidney, liver, lungs, heart, bowl, all of it is intact and functional.

I am grateful for every visit, dollar, text, prayer, thought, cheer, casserole, and card.

I am grateful for Mike and his colleagues who rescued me from that bowl.

I am grateful for this endless love, not earned, but just because I am me.

I am grateful for the relentless kindness of humans around me.

I am grateful for this scooter and the people who lent it to me.

I am grateful to have movement, sensation, and sensibility.

I am grateful for humans who came and mowed our lawn.

I am grateful for the humans that have shown up for me.

I am grateful to be able to sleep with this neck brace on.

I am grateful to have humans on whom I could depend.

I am grateful that there is an outside for me to return to.

I am grateful for this house that is wheelchair-friendly.

I am grateful to be given these bonus days of living.

I am grateful to have experienced this darkness.

I am grateful for this time to stare at the ceiling.

I am grateful for the humans of Harborview.

I am grateful for the laughter I still possess.

I am grateful for the generosity of humans.

I am grateful to not have any pelvic pain.

I am grateful to have all the food I need.

I am grateful for our blooming garden.

I am grateful I get to walk on Tuesday.

I am grateful for a God who loves me.

I am grateful that my neck is healing.

I am grateful for this itchy beard.

I am grateful for my Sweet Wife.

I am grateful the sun is shining.

I am grateful to have all I need.

I am grateful for this boredom.

I am grateful for this body.

I am grateful for this day.

I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful for sleep.

I am so grateful.